Selasa, 26 Oktober 2010

think good side

iseng ah, aku nepatin janjiku kalo suatu saat aku bakal nepatin janji buat nulis hal-hal positif yang diajarkan sama papah dan masih bermanfaat sampe sekarang. haha. sebelumnya aku inget ada 3, tapi saat ini aku belum inget semua. tapi oke, bakal aku coba untuk nulis. bukan apa-apa aku nulis ini, jangan juga berfikir aku mau melankolis ato apa, as a normal human who might has hard feeling to another, aku mencoba untuk mengingat kebaikan setiap orang untuk menjaga supaya dia selalu bisa baik di mataku.

gak ada yang bakal menyangkal bahwa yang mamah lah yang sangat berjasa untuk bikin aku sampe kayak gini. mamah yang ngajari aku berbagai hal. tapi dari papah aku belajar untuk rajin membaca. papah selalu ngajarin dan ngingetin bahwa dengan membaca buku maka kamu bisa tau dan bisa menjawab pertanyaan yang diajukan oleh guru. papah selalu ngingetin aku untuk gak sedikit-sedikit tanya kalo ada hal yang gak aku mengerti, beliau bakal bilang "cari dulu di buku, di situ pasti ada jawabannya. buku itu buat di baca, kalo gak ada di halaman ini cari di halaman selanjutnya. kalo gak ada di buku yang lagi kamu pegang, cari di buku lainnya." mungkin ini yang bikin aku bisa ngabisin hampir semua buku di perpus waktu SD. haha. mungkin ini kali ya yang bikin aku jadi bookworm sampe sekarang. hal ini masih terus aku pegang sampe sekarang, makasih pah, sonya jadi doyan mbaca sampe sekarang.

papah selalu ngajarin aku untuk gak jadi anak yang cengeng. gak sekalipun papah ngebolehin aku nangis. papah bakal marah besar kalo liat aku nangis. mungkin ini karena beliau obsesi punya anak pertama cowo. hey, terus apa hubungannya cowo sama nangis? molla... aku jadi kayak cowo. well, mungkin sekarang sembuh. tapi aku bersyukur papah ndidik aku kayak gitu, aku merasa tough dengan gak menangis. aku merasa papah sukses mendidik aku tumbuh jadi anak yang keras, dan tahan banting. ironisnya tahan banting atas akibat dari perbuatan beliau sendiri. tapi yasudahlah.
makasih ya pah.

dua hal yang selalu papah ajarkan ke aku dan alhamdulillah, aku bisa melaksanakan itu meskipun gak 100%. haha, tapi yang terakhir ini kayaknya sampe sekarang belum bisa laksanain deh. jelek-jelek begitu papah selalu pesen untuk gak pernah nggrundel di dalam hati. papah tau kalo aku suka protes dan tipe pendebat. beliau selalu pesen, "sonya jangan suka nggrundel dalam hati ya, kalo habis dibilangin jangan suka ngedumel dalam hati...itu gak baik..." tapi aku gak tau itu ungkapan yang tulus ato bukan, aku jadi ragu sama rasa pengertian papah terhadapku barusan. apaan sih?. entahlah, tapi untuk yang satu itu aku belum bisa pah. haha. susah buat gak ngedumel dalam hati apalagi kalo kesabaran kita lagi bener-bener diuji. maafin aku ya pah.

makasih ya pah.. aku pikir setiap orang pasti punya sisi positif dalam dirinya. meskipun catatan kejelekkan dia sudah sangat tebal toh kita cuma manusia biasa. something happened, happened for a reason. apapun yang kita dapatkan dalam hidup ini, dari seseorang, sesuatu atau dari beberapa orang dalam hidup kita, semua itu pasti punya maksud tersendiri.

ahh, bodohnya aku pernah berpikir buat punya mesin waktu untuk mengubah beberapa hal dalam hidupku... Desember oh Desember... LOL

Minggu, 24 Oktober 2010

de noir

sky night
sparkling stars
cold weather
you cant open your old box
no, you cant
you just want but you're not allowed to

too sweet to be seen
too hard to touch
it is too easy for crumbling down
it is more like denial
sometimes cant comprehensible
another comes too embarrassing
no, you have no time
not for hypnotizing
neither for white indoctrinating

words are dancing around,
tears are singing for you
you dont know what this mean

you still remember about the words talking stars
when grey sky asking for her ears
and she sought for the mirror

almost coming-sentences
empty promises
disappearing
missing
anger
betrayal
faith
stories s coming down

Jumat, 22 Oktober 2010

dingin

aku butuh di tune-up. aku butuh turun mesin. hhh, coba tukang urut bisa kerja via e-mail, ato sms juga bolehlahh..yang murah... apaan si?

hhh, dingin, enak buat tidur, gak enak di badan. waktu masih SMA biasanya kalo dingin begini aku bakal nyambangi wedang ronde di alun-alun, ato duduk di deket genteng sambil liat ke langit sama pake jaket sambil ndengerin mp3. ya ampuunn... agak mendingan kok kesannya karena kadang ada Aya yang nemenin, kami kadang ber-sigh bersama... LOL.

sekarang aku inget gado-gadonya Tante, haha, aduuh aku kangen banget gado gadonya yang bikin ketagihan X), Tante selalu apal sama porsi makanku yang banyak, masakan Tante juga hampir sama kayak Eyang Putri, khas cina...haha... aku kangen semur ayamnya Eyang Putriiii...

wait,sekarang aku mbayangin waktu sore-sore pulang sekolah dan mampir makan es campurnya mas Ateng sama Kristi... OMY, kenapa aku belum nemu es campur pengganti mu Mas di sini...

ingatan berpindah, kalo jam setengah 2an pas kelas 3 dan gak sempet bawa bekal sekelas rame-rame pesen catering nya Bu Dheus yang murmer tapi bikin cepet laper lagi... I miss U guys, maaf ya aku sama Kristi selalau beruntung buat gak dapet giliran ngambil lunch kita... =D

sekarang settingnya malem minggu ato malem kamis, waktu ketika aku sama Sari pulang dari les matematikanya Pak oih, tiap malam itu kami makan di luar yang agak enak dan lain dari biasanya.. tapi setelah nyobain ayam bakar sama susu segar di pertigaan yang mau ke Unsoed acara makan agak enak itulebih sering jadi acara makan ayam+susu segar... well, kebiasaan itu berhenti agak lama karena suatu kali Sari kekenyangan dan perutnya jadi terasa gak enak dan rencana jalan jalan malem itu ditunda...hahay.. wajahmu Saa... hhh, Sariiii... :')

ingatan tempat jadi gak jelas kalo inget Kristi, too many places we've visited together... LOL. hh, bogeosippeo... kebanyakan mungkin toko buku, tempat jus, sama tempat makan... oiyaaaa... cimol, cimol, cimol, my favorite junk food... LOL. coba aku itung berapa butir cimol yang udah aku sama dia makan yaa... LOL. bakulnya sampe apal sama kami... XD how about cimol di depan SMP Kristen? aah, itu memang lebih enak sii tapi ngapain cari yang jauh... =p

SN,
SN oh SN... aku masih gk tau kenapa warung tenda itu dikasih nama SN, yang aku tau tempat itu makannya enak dan rameee banget, kalo anda beruntung dilayani waktu lagi ruame ruame nya anda bisa membawa pulang serta pesanan yang tidak anda pesan tanpa tambahan biaya, karena mungkin bakulnya pun bingung dengan pesananya sendiri. rejeki... ^^v

jus GMC, kentel banget sih kamu... ato mie ayam telk*m yang udah gak jualan di deket telk*m... aku lagi kangen makanan sana, suasananya, dan orang-orangnya...


Rabu, 20 Oktober 2010

back to december

Taylor Swift's new song , Back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Yo
u've been good, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is u
p and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying
I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing m
y pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time



i was told by enji about this song. and in the time i listen to this song, feels like Taylor is singing s song for me. LOL. that thing was happened in December too, and when he gave roses I gave him nothing but goodbye. Cant stop blaming my self i live in my own terror night, and when I finally realized that I love him from the start, here I am, swallowing my pride and being understand when he locks the door for me.. how i want to go back to that night...

U made me one precious song Taylor... LOL

Minggu, 17 Oktober 2010

cant help

something bad just happened, not for me directly but its effect drives me crazy. and he disappeared. i cant find him in every way i used to find him. okay, i know i'm over reacting but it does make me crazy, it is soo uneasy, you cant really feel your hand right in your hand. i relieved that my friend, Ratri asked me to accompanied her in her house because her family were went to Jakarta, and there was Enji too. I cant imagine if yesterday i was all alone in my room, cant get any concentration or something. cause my head is all about him, and bunch of stupid question about my desire to know his condition. even now, i wondering is he alrite.

i dont know my self.. i hope he is alright anyway. with something or even someone, i dont care. the thing is, he is alright. i hope he is alright..

Rabu, 13 Oktober 2010

agak down

wagu lah, hahaha...
agak berasa kurang bersemangat ( atau kurang konsentrasi? ), yaa whatever lah... pokonya kurang seger aja akhir-akhir ini. Rasanya mingu-minggu ini hampir semua tugas dari kampus aku kerjain dengan kriteria kurang maksimal. Kurang pas, kurang bener, kurang bagus, kurang mudeng, pokoknya kurang maksimal. I've been wondering lagi kenapa aku koq jadi gak maksimal begini... I mean, memang bukan jenius saya tapi paling enggak saya bisa lebih baik dari akhir-akhir ini performance nya. --
I've been lookin' for what?
What I've been lookin' for?

Gak tau, rasanya isi kepala ini gak pernah tepat dengan tempatnya akhir-akhir ini. Huh.
aku jadi gak pede buat bikin tugas berikutnya, dua tugas sebelumnya musti di-revisi karena belum bener dan itu rasanya gak enak. Aduh, bikin gak pede. Hope tomorrow ll be better.
Moga moga aja tugas yang mau aku garap hari ini bener. Amin. Sumpeh, mikirin ini perutku jadi sakit. Gangguan kecemasan yang merugikan. Hahahaha.

Sabtu, 09 Oktober 2010

new material

just need a stimulus and some responses,
for this weird-weird feeling, uncontrollable emotion, and restricted of logic and assumption.. you taught me one more thing, to feel hurt and happiness at the same time...

Rabu, 06 Oktober 2010

sink over the past

it was about yesterday.

i uploaded some photos in my faceobook account when i and my high school friends were outbond in Batur Agung, Purwokerto. in those occasion i took picture with my boy friends and of course i uploaded that picture too. aahh, i just wanna laugh, and the next day my grandma texted me after seeing her homepage in facebook, she looked curious whether one of that boys are my boyfriend or not.

"Son, i saw your picture with some boys. is that your boyfriend or what?"

i thought she is restrict to me about getting along with a some guy. and i said,

"heehee, it's not like that granny, they just my friends and they already has a girl friend... "


i thought she would feeling bad about that pics and she would reply me with some advices. but, it was not. i was wondering, is there something wrong? then at the night I asked my mom,

"Mom, Granny was asking me bout my pics , is she feel bad with my pictures?"

and she gave a surprise answer,

"No, she doesn't feel bad at all. She is wondering if you had a boyfriend she would be happy... heeheeh.. "

me, "O.O"

well, that was surprised me. I thought i was restricted to getting along with someguy till i finish my study, but i guess i was wrong. guess it seems i've grown up.... :) boyfriend...

oow, one my friends has broke up with her boyfriend. her boyfriend was cheating her, she looks okay but actually i'm not sure with her happy face. i guess there must be sometime , when she is all alone she ll sigh at her self. huh, i hope i'm wrong. andd.. the other girl told me that she has a boyfriend. well, i can't see "a very happy face " in her face but i see "yes, i feel complete.." written in her face. finally she found him :)

this situation, reminds me about my past. me and my bestbestfriend, Kristi, one starts a relationship, one end it up. But, it's not the thing i want to talk. When i saw my friend's face, seeing her complete face, i was thinking, will i have a complete face if i said Yes that time. Would it be okay if I just Yes. Wouldn't it be worse? Would it be okay? and when the Yes answer didn't come from my lips, does he ever want to know what's happening to me when I finally chose to reject him and sinking over with my own problems...

Would it be easier..? Then what would it be...? Would it make a difference if you knew that I still liked you...?

Minggu, 03 Oktober 2010

like a fool [again]

i've spent my day outside with my friend. friends from Satoe Atap actually. Saote Atap is a kinda community for some people who commit and care about children street and their future. well, i admit that i ain't get too active in this community because some reasons but it doesn't mean that i don't care about them :) . today, o i'm sorry maybe i should call it yesterday it's 12:29 am now. Yesterday, i spent my day with go to Lerep to attend some kind of activities that i don't really know what was what. there, me and my friends was seeing an art galery, it has beautiful artwork, painting, traditional house and somethings that i didn't know what's their name. when it got afternoon, we decided to go home and had a lunch first in Tembalang. but i chose to have a lunch my self, i felt uncomfortable, my heart and my body. my heart, guess i was lil bit sick and headache. my heart, no matter how hard i'm trying to ignore this feeling it keeps appear.

and it ll be worse whenever i tried to spend my day with a bunch activities. i can place my brain in this head but i can't place its mind correctly... i can't lie my self. no, i should haven't lie to my self.

Jumat, 01 Oktober 2010

me and my story

i hate being like this in the middle of the night. i hate being a fool whenever you come to my mind. i hate to realize that my heart is beating faster whenever we get interaction. i hate to smile at my self like this.