there is no such a clean break :)

the title has nothing to do with the text below :p

gak terasa sudah dua setengah tahun saya tercata sebagai mahasiswa Psikologi di salah satu universitas di Indonesia. Gak terasa pula sudah dua setengah tahun saya semakin penasaran dan terpukau dengan keajaiban-keajaiban yang mampu diciptakan oleh otak manusia, dan alam bawah sadarnya. Atau kalau mau dijabarkan lebih panjang lagi jika ada yang kurang menerima adalah berikut, otak, alam sadar, alam bawah sadar, setengah sadar, dan hati manusia. Yah.. saya mungkin termasuk salah satu freudian amatir :) Dan masih mengganjal sampai sekarang ketika otak yang berasala dari jasad manusia bisa terhubung dan saling menerima dan memberi pengaruh dengan hati, yang merupakan zat yang dibawakan Tuhan untuk menempati jasad manusia. Roh manusia. Tidak mampu orang menyangkal ketika hati terluka dan akalnya tidak terpengaruh sama sekali. Mustahil. Bagaimana hati pun bisa terisaukan manakala otak mampu membeberkan fakta-fakta yang berseberangan dengan perasaan.

Dua setengah tahun membaca buku dengan berbagai ulasan, saya masih merasa belum tahu apa-apa. Bingung ketika harus menjawab apa yang ditanyakan. Mungkin intisarinya menjelma kepada hal-hal yang belum mampu saya katakan dengan gamblang. Saya masih sangat butuh belajar. Hehe.

I met a girl smiling on her face from 8 years ago. I've just met her. I finally found a part of hers. Again. :)

good feeling when you're getting closer with your friends :)

it's been long time not to write in this room. Not leaving but technically denying something and stop thinking about that. Never mind. :p

Having a better relationship with someone, or some peoples and be able to laughing together with them is one of the best thing I could feel in these cheesy days. After being pressed with pounds of word, theory an bla bla bla, now finally... :D

I still have a fresh memories when one my high school said to my close-friend about her opinion to my appearance,

"Vanthea looks like a bad-tempered girl and sullen, I have no idea while you both can easily laughing together... " and my close-friend laughed and said,

"That's the way people thinking when they don't get to know about her yet... " ,

she told me that and I was just laugh...questioning about my face... :p (of course her impression about me later changed finally :3 ). The same thing happened now, with my boarding house mate. When she finally gets closer and we shared many funny moments, she confessed that she had been thinking that I was bad tempered, less smile sooo different with someone who's right next to her. My friend's initial-appearance came to my mind and I was laughing said,

"Nooo dear, but yes some peoples thinking that way at the first time",

and she nod with her innocent face. LOL

Love today, tough I'm a bit sick but I had a lot of fun :)

Hot 'n Cold

I got in my boarding house with a lots of story from my campuss activity and when I wrote these I was listening Katty Perry’s Hot ‘n Cold. Well, currently I’m listening to the oldies songs, ok gak nyambung. Biarin :p . The thing I wanna write is, every people in this universe has their own problem. It doesn’t matter who you are, where’d you come from or what status you have u’re gonna get your own problem. When it really touches your deepest feeling no matter how strong you are, hurt and cry may follow you. Maybe it is true to remember that what is it called, semua akan indah pada waktunya. Each person has their own trouble, no matter what and they deserve their best by making a choice. Yeahh..

I remember when I was in class, my lecture said to the students, “When you were desperately no hopes, no power to your hard situation, don’t give up. Get your mind up that you’re nothing and no one. Only God’s creature. Only Him controls you. Believe in him and pray, then miracle ll happen.” and semua akan indah pada waktunya.. I think, she is right. By thinking that way we could survive from soooo many negative emotions. :))

song this day

today, Day 2 of Ekspose Psychology @ GOR Satria

in order to promote the last event from Ekspose-Inauguration Night ft Sheila On 7, the committee played songs sang by Sheila On 7. They played many songs and I couldn't recognize most them cause it was too noisy. You know, they were many people out there and they were talked to each other. But it was one song I could hear its lyric clearly, I didn't know whether it was because less noise or the committee turn up the volume so everyone could could hear the song more. It was "Seberapa Pantas" by Sheila On 7. This song is a part of the second album titled 07 Des, Seberapa Pantas was a big hits that time and it gets a hit for me too. Ke Ke. Now, download here and listen to this then find the hit. :3

"Seberapa Pantas" - Sheila On 7

seberapa pantaskah kau untuk kau tunggu
cukup indahkah dirimu untuk slalu kunantikan
mampukah kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi buruku
mampukah kita bertahan disaat kita jauh

seberapa hebat kau untuk kubanggakan
cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk slalu kuandalkan
mampukah kau bertahan dengan hidupku yang malang
sanggupkah kau meyakinkan disaat aku bimbang

celakanya hanya kaulah yang benar benar aku tunggu
hanya kaulah yang benar benar memahamiku
kau pergi dan hilang kemanapun kau suka

celakanya hanya kaulah yang pantas untuk kubanggakan
hanya kaulah yang sanggup untuk aku andalkan
diantara beri aku slalu menantimu

mungkin kini kau tlah menghilang tanpa jejak
mengubur semua indah kenangan...
tapi aku slalu menunggumu disini
bila saja kau berubah pikiran

memoirs of baksos

For some reasons I remember my baksos (spcial service) when i was in first grade of highschool. it was the first time i lived in boarding house, without my mom or familiar friend. Well, I had it one but she was in different school and she was also busy with her own business. Still felt alone. When it came to baksos time, i was getting close with my boarding house mate, Sari. We came along all the way together until class diversion separated us. (apa ini bahasanya) The moment while almost my new friend were visited by their parent and no one visited me, was the worst moment I ever felt. I finally realized My Mom's thing--she always came or sent me some foods to me when I had a camp or boy scout--was precious thing and I was want her so baad to visit me. I held my cry and when to my all-the-way-friend Sari, and shared about our activities that day and our feeling to our family. In the night, classic thing, I had a feeling if something's gonna happen in the middle of the night so I wore my complete uniform even my shoes and slept on the edge of the camp. No blanket, no loosen hair, I had my veil completed too. XD and I was right, it hasn't 3 hours we were sleeping and the sunbae's woke us up to line up, jurit malam and lined up again for some absurd punishment. Yesterday in my college activities, I was a bit surprised when my juniors were still enthusiastic while I always could successfully sleeping in my middle-night-activities. L.O.L.

But it was not the end, I got the real worst feeling when I came back from my baksos. While Sari's truck had arrived some time ago and my truck was the last, so of course she had have back to our boarding house. It means I had to carry on my whole stuffs alone. I havent got a close friend yet. No one accompanied me, no one'll help me, No one cared about me and no one remember my name. There's was no my home maid who waited me, who'll carried my big-bag, my small-bag, my bucket, and my mat. I had no one who waited me. That's what I was thinking. Once again, I held my throat not to say a single word, afraid it was a sign for me crying. I looked everywhere and re-convinced my self that there was really no one waited for me and it's time to go home. Go. Home. There was no home, it was just a boarding house. A strange-small room you share with someone else, and you could do anything you want cus there is no one will complaining about except your room-mates, no Mom, no Ibob, no maid. It's all by your self. Once again, I strongly held my throat to breathe more carefully. Haha.
aouuh, it was the worst feeling i ever felt to my home. hope i wont get that again. :'D

jikalau if

You can change everything just by saying IF. I found this song some time ago, when I was searching Princess Hours-thing in Youtube. For me, it has a simple lyric but deep meaning. A lover-feeling when they found their pair and they were together. Too bad, I had galau syndrome after seeing Hana Yori Dango 2 -- Makino & Domyouji's chemistry really drives me galau. Hahahah. The moment after, my bestie called me via skype and we shared about many things. Thing I couldn't speak all these time. Well, seems they've evoked my emotions. Hahaha. I love its lyric, you will never ever feel an ordinary thing whenever you're with someone you're in love.
Ladies and gentleman, here is the song...

Yeng Constantino ft Rj Jimenez : If we fall in love

There will be no ordinary days for you
If there is someone who cares like i do
You have no reason to be sad anymore
I`m always ready with a smile
With just one glimpse of you
You don`t have to search no more
Cause i am someone who will love you for sure so..

(CHORUS)
If we fall in love
Maybe we`ll sing this song as one
If we fall in love
We can write a better song than this
If we fall in love
We will have this melody in our heads
If we fall in love
Anywhere with you would be a better place..

You can watch sad movies in a diffirent light
So i`ll be there beside you
Hugging you oh so tight
(oh so tight)
Your hands will never feel so cold and empty again
Coz i will keep on holding on and won`t let go
(never let you go)
You don`t have to search no more
Cause i am someone who will love you for sure so..
(CHORUS)

If we fall in love
Maybe we`ll sing this song as one
If we fall in love
We can write better a song than this
If we fall in love
We will have this melody in our heads
If we fall in love
Anywhere with you would be a better place..

Feel so good when you`re around
One smile from you
(one smile from you)
Be mine,this feel so right..so..

(CHORUS)
If we fall in love
Maybe we`ll sing this song as one
If we fall in love
We can write better a song than this
If we fall in love
We will have this melody in our heads
If we fall in love
Anywhere with you would be a better place..
yeah aaaaaa

Download the song here

life's imperfection

gak tau deh, kalo akhir-akhir ini lagu-lagu di playlist BlackBear (uri handphone) dan kompi cantik ini berbau sendu dan mendayu kecuali Keep Your Head Down dari TVXQ yang aku puter berulang-ulang. Setelah beberapa hari terserang flu dkk dan nulari Enji (ke ke, mianne cingu-aah) akhirnya hari ini bisa agak sehat. Still supported by vitamins.

Tapi bukan itu yang menjadi pokok masalah, lagi-lagi (dan semoga terus bisa) aku dapet satu hal yang, well, bisa dibilang sebuah nilai kehidupan. Don't judge the book by its cover. Value lain adalah, teteepp, masih banyak orang susah di sekitar kita, jadi kita harus bisa tetep semangat. Whatever it is. A friend of mine, the one who has some similarities with the other one. Dari luar aku liat temenku itu, kinda almost perfect. Pinter, cerdas, akademik-non akademik, diplomatis, tampang punya, sosialitasnya bagus, dan.. pinter. Lho. Buat aku yang selama ini mempertanyakan di mana keberadaan makhluk pria dengan semua kriteria di atas, nemu temen dengan kriteria kayak gitu bikin freeze beberapa waktu. Almost kinda perfect, and I guess his life get the same way. Tapi, a lil story dari temenku yang lain dan mungkin ini benar Dan kalo enggak, ya syukur...

Anyway..Ternyata sesuatu yang kita lihat sempurna belum tentu sempurna adanya. Setiap orang punya cobaannya masing-masing. Bahwa sulit sekali buat seseorang untuk memiliki lingkaran kehidupan yang bener-bener smooth di dalamnya. Meskipun akhirnya terasa sempurna, ternyata gak semudah itu untuk bisa mencapai perasaan sempurna tadi. It has long way to go. Perfection comes with imperfection. That's when you know your life is much worth when your imperfection gets you satisfied with. Ada rasa lega waktu tau itu. Penasaranku mungkin akhirnya kejawab tapi bukan itu, lebih kepada kesadaran bahwa gak semua orang hidup dengan mudah, karena tiap orang punya ujian sendiri-sendiri buat diselesaikan... :)

telat lagi :D

a bit distressful nih, apa coba maksudnya. hedeh... kalo ini aku bakal nulis tentang sesuatu yang aku dapat-terilhami-mudeng ato apalah yang intinya sama, yang lagi-lagi aku dapat dar dan karena nonton film. Kalo yang kemaren kemaren insight (yes, maksudku tadi ini) yang aku dapet berdasarkan filmnya orang bule kalo yang ini didapatkan dari filmnya nenek moyang. haha. korea-taiwan-cina-sonya. meksa. LOL

anyway, maybe intinya sama, everything happened, happened for a reason. every single act of human is because a reason, wheter is right or wrong. either he tell it or not. intinya sama dengan omongannya Agent Smith di The Matrix -,- bedanya ini aku dapet dari drama Korea Boys Over Flowers yang diadaptasi dari manga Jepang Hana-Yori Dango yang juga udah dibuat filmnya versi Jepang dan Taiwan. Masih inget Meteor Garden gak? Inilah versi Korea nya sodara.. yang sedang saya tonton. Film lama tapi aku baru nonton. Haha. Aku masih inget alasan utama aku absen nonton drama Korea waktu drama ini lagi booming-boomingnya adalah karena aku terlalu sibuk ikut instesifikasi di sekolah dan tambahan lain di Neutron. Mulia sekali bukan? XD dan karena terlanjur kesel sendiri, merasa ketinggalan dan puas-baca keheranan dengan antusiasme yang berlebihan dari orang-orang terhadap drama ini, aku jadi il-fil sendiri. oke, pemikiran yang aneh. tapi faktanya adalah aku lagi ngebet-ngebetnya nonton drama korea ini. cekidot,


yang main adaa,
Koo Hye Sun: Geum Jan Di , ini ni cewek beruntung yang dikelilingi mas-mas ganteng.. XD
Korean F4 Starring:
Lee Min Ho: Goo Joon Pyo ,
Kim Hyun Joong: Yoon Ji Hoo
Kim Bum: So Yi Jung
Kim Joon: Song Woo Bin

tonton deh... saya suka... (suggest ini telat bgd, hahaha)

scenes from the memories

Kamis, pelajaran psikologi kepribadian yang mbahas tentang A. Maslow. Pretty impressive, intinya yang aku tangkep dari teori itu adalah anything, semua yang kita lakukan dalam kehidupan sehari-hari adalah bertujuan untuk memuaskan kebutuhan-kebutuhan dasar manusia. Kebutuhan fisiologis, kebutuhan rasa aman, kebutuhan belonging, kebutuhan harga diri dan tingkatan paling matang adalah aktualisasi diri. Pada tahap ini individu sudah bisa mengeluarkan semua potensi dirinya, mengeluarkan semua energi positif (aku gak tau kalimat yang sederhana yang bisa njelasin bagian ini, aku juga belum begitu ngeh, haha) dan berguna buat semua pihak, serta gak lagi di dominasi oleh pengaruh luar.

Impressive yang aku maksud adalah semua yang dilakukan manusia itu gak lain dan enggak bukan hanyalah untuk memenuhi bagian dari 4 kebutuhan dasar yang belum terpenuhi, with or without realizing. Di kelas, hal ini bikin aku jadi mikir, apa aja yang udah aku lakuin selama hidup ini. Apa yang bikin aku melakukan hal-hal tertentu. Tiba-tiba terlintas tentang orang-orang tertentu dan hal-hal tertentu yang terjadi di dalam hidupku. Kalo sebelumnya aku selalu yakin bahwa setiap kejadian, perilaku ato apapun yang aku dapatkan dari orang lain itu mereka lakukan karena alasan tertentu, mungkin sekarang aku bisa menambahkan kalo itu semua mungkin dilakukan sebagai salah satu usaha dan imbas dari usaha pemenuhan kebutuhan yang munkin belum sepenuhnya terpuaskan pada waktu sebelumnya. Kemudian terlintas lagi tentang sebuah cerita dari Mamah, aku tau waktu itu beliau marah dan gak punya toleransi dan gak bisa berfikir samapi sejauh itu tentang hal itu . Tapi, aku malah berfikir kalo itu wajar dilakukan seseorang, yah, imbas bagi orang lain terible tapi kalo diliat alasannya mungkin wajar, aku patut merasa kasihan.

Meskipun gak nyambung, saat itu pikiranku melayang ke ingatan saat aku tau suatu hal yang gak mengenakkan, lalu aku ingat orang-orang yang terlibat di dalamya. Lalu aku malu karena aku mungkin sudah tau kenapa dia bersikap begitu. Mbingungi.

Kalo teori kepribadian Maslow ini bener dan bisa digeneralisasikan, maka banyak banget komplikasi yang terjadi dalam diri manusia dalam usahanya untuk memenuhi kebutuhan-kebutuhan dasar baik yang disadari atau pun tidak. Meningkat lagi konflik-konflik yang mungkin terjadi di antara manusia yan satu dengan yang lain karena usaha pemenuhan kebutuhan ini dipastikan kadang bergesekan dengan usaha orang lain. Well, mendukung pernyataan Bu Jati di Psikologi Kepemimpinan bahwa makin besar interaksi individu lain makin besar resiko konflik yang terjadi. Jadi inget omongannya Bu Vio, setiap interaksi di antara manusia pasti menimbulkan friksi.

Maybe that's the way why we have to learn to understand everything happened. To look closer to what's behind us.

keajaiban akhirnya datang L.O.L.

Lebay Mode

akhirnya setelah berhari-hari entah berapa hari hidup dalam keterkungkungan dunia belakang kampus dengan sapi-sapi imut yang diam-diam menghanyutkan, akhirnya petugas wi-fi dari Sepidi datang dan membetulkan wi-fi yang sempat gak menampakkan tanda-tanda kehidupan kemarin. Well, lebih tepat lagi si kami sudah dibelikan modem oleh induk semang kami. haha.

lama banget gak apdet blog nih, dari yang udah niat nulis sesuatu terus gak jadi, lupa lagi, udah di save di sebuah file tapi lupa ngasi namanya apa jadi gak jadi ngepost deh. L.O.L. banyak hal terjadi akhir-akhir ini, afterall aku merasa kurang berjalan mulus, maybe i have some loans that hasnt paid yet... :') tapi ada juga bagian menyenangkan, ketemu mas-mas ganteng. hahahaha.

here, i got it from @ihatequotes , @Damn, It's True

Courage isn’t brave, it’s pain you don’t fear
Mercy isn’t weak; it’s the strength to forgive
Hope isn’t assurance; it’s the will to live
Wisdom isn’t knowledge, it’s understanding why
Love isn’t if they do, it’s even when they won’t

HARD: When someone special ignores you. HARDER: Pretending you don't care

Jealousy is just a sign that you really love the person


there is nothing, but it's just wont stop.

back to december

Taylor Swift's new song , Back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life, tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier then ever.
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

i was told by enji about this song. and in the time i listen to this song, feels like Taylor is singing s song for me. LOL. that thing was happened in December too, and when he gave roses I gave him nothing but goodbye. Cant stop blaming my self i live in my own terror night, and when I finally realized that I love him from the start, here I am, swallowing my pride and being understand when he locks the door for me.. how i want to go back to that night...

U made me one precious song Taylor... LOL

UAS

Ujian Akhir Semester 2

Hari ini sampe tanggal 5 Juli 2010 besok aku ada UAS. Maybe, I'll be rather for writing here. It's time for studying!! No more thingking about him /awhile/. Wish me pass those tests easily and get the best mark!! AJA!! ^^ tapi sebelum itu nikmatilah sebuah video dari india yang mirip baget /ato memang sengaja dibuat mirip/ dengan lagu OST.nya Sassy Girl Chun Hyang... XD

Enjoy it. Wish me luck!! :D

masih dengan topik yang sama.

whah lama gak nulis nih....hhaha... hape turun pangkat, modem smart gak ada sinyal di rumah, terpaksalah meliburkan diri dari dunia maya. hahaha.

now I start it again.
well, kegiatan seminggu kemaren waktu di rumah cukup menguras. Yak, menguras tenaga, keringat, otak dan hati. huahaha. :')
info terbaru, ternyata Mas Yayan--yang kerja di rumahku--memutuskan untuk meniti karier di kancah internasional ato dalam bahasa lain memutuskan untuk hijrah ke Taiwan. Halah halah. Akhirnya mas-ku yang satu itu keturutan juga pergi jauh /baca luar negeri/. :D Finally, karena gak ada orang lagi di rumah didasari dengan jiwa baik hati dan pemurah /oke gak nyambung. haha/ Aku terjun ke Toko dan membantu ibu. Aku bakal selalu bilang kallo pekerjaan melayani orang itu jauh lebih capek daripada bekerja dengan data atau benda mati. Bangun jam 7 ato jam 8 pagi. Mandi, siap-siap, jam 9 pagi udah siap di Toko berjaga sampai Toko dan Warung Soto+Bakmi Mamah tutup--pukul +/- 9malam atau lebih kalo ada pembeli tambahan. Capek, abis. Kesel asli. Kesel pisan. Tapi tetep aja seneng. Soalnya gimana ya, udah jadi kebiasaan metengger di Toko sejak jaman baheula jadi kalo gak mejeng di Toko kaya ada yang aneh. Nyahaha..ketagihan.. :) yaaaahhhhh meskipun ada yang gak pernah mengakui hal itu.... HAHAHA. Bukan pamer lho ya, cuma kadang sakit ati karena gak pernah dihargai. HAHAHA.

Terus hari Kamis tanggal 17 Juni 2010. Aku ngumpul sama anak-anak di beloved town--Purwokerto =D . Haha. Ngumpul. Sounds weird when I wrote this. I miss my friend so much. Don't know to whom those words was dedicated for. Guess who?. Guessing makes me feeling bad inside. At least he still my best friend. Hufh. Does anybody know who's taking my missing pieces? God know. :)

ada lagu bagus (lagi)

lagu bagus deh.... sebelumnya gak pernah ngelirik Westlife, tapi ternyata setelah Enji nyanyi salah satu lagu jadulnya, hehe...bagus juga... ^^ u know what i mean gals...

Westlife - If I Let You Go

Time passed away
And I just can't get you out of my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I just can't find
The courage to show to let you know
I've never felt love like this before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS]
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me ? (oh yeah)
How will I know if I let you go ?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why don't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS]
If I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? (oh yeah)
How will I know if I let you go ?

If I let you go ooooh baby
Ooooooooohhhhh
Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS (repeat to fade)]


kalo mau donlot klik di sini , enjoy it dude... =)

old poems

ini cuma puisi-puisi yang sudah aku buat sejak lama. dibuat dengan background bermacam-macam perasaan. kayaknya bagus, jadi aku posting aja sekarang.
cekidot :)

042506

Merpati terbang menukik
Memecah kehehingan waktu
Menyelinapi bintang

Angin mengikat memaksa pergi dari tempat fajar

Melengking keras memaksakan kehendak
Menarik kuat menahan langit
Surya kan segera datang
Merangkak lari terkejar waktu
Menganga menantikan warna
Telah mulai melukis
Bintang yang tak jua berpendar


011207

“Ku terawang indahnya cakrawala
Mengalun deras kicauan maya dalam dada
Ku bisikan cerita singkat pada malam
Tempatku berbagi tawa pedih dan semua garis yang pernah terlukis
Sebening kaca berkilau kristal yang bersulamkan api
Ku hanyutkan tawaku dalam langit penuh bintang
Ku tebarkan asa lewat mata nan ku lukiskan garis biru dalam sisi angin-angin yang mencekam
Ku katakan pada mereka secarik harap yang tak mungkin tercari
Ku lantunkan nada sunyi menggantung jiwa, mengusut kepenatan yang merindukan kedamaian...”

011607

Tak kutau arti suatu nyata
Yang kutau hanya rasa
Semua bicara yang terungkap tulis
Samar mengingkat nanar pedih
Luka yang seolah ku torehkan
Beribu tanya menghempas waktu,
Kau berbeda,
Atau ku yang perasa...

092307

In a big day
In the time of reducing age,

Did you ever love me, Dad?

030908

Detik demi detik yang terlewati
Hingga hari yang kulalui
Bait bait lantunan keputusasaan yang kurenungkan
Membuatku makin lelah
Sampailah aku pada ujung jalan
Jalan ini gelap, tak tau arahnya
Seribu tanya menggenang memenuhi
Lantunan kata yang membuatku tersadar
Jauhnya kita
Sesal menyerang, karena adanya kita
Lelahku bertanya, jengah aku berfikir
Arusmu yang melelahkan buatku jatuh di kesenyapan

Aku sadar suatu hal.

092709

Menerawang langit mencari gelap
Memandang bintang tak kunjung usai
Aku merindukan sang malam
Ketika awan tak lagi bercerita
Aku ingin menghilang kala
Awan tak lagi bercahaya

Semburat tipis senyum yang payah
Menggapai miris ia berlari
Menerobos segala fikir
Menyangkal segala yang telah ia tumpahkan
Bersusah memotong untaian dawai yang tersambung
Tertatih mematahkan rantai semu

Tapi ia gagal....
Ia gagal menegakan hatinya
Egonya terlalu besar
Matanya terlalu buta untuk waktu yang lama

Akhirnya ia kalah.
Lelah ia berpura dengan sang waktu.

Meski hitam seolah menyelubunginya
Meski caci pernah ia terima
Meski asanya seolah tak didengar
Meski titik yang berlalu
Untuk ini dia tak lagi buta
Dia belum kalah....

first

inilah yang saya tuang sebagai tulisan pertama saya, well sebenarnya ini entah akun yang keberapa, karena saya salalu lupa kata sandi nya... what a poor girl... :D
saya sebal sendiri karena setiap habis membuat akun, dengan mudahnya saya lupa kata sandinya atau malah saya lupa pakai email yang mana... X) anyway, hope it ll be a good story to be read by all of ya... :)

let the story begin...